Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
