I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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