When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
