He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
