Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
