So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
