Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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