they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
