is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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