driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
