You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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