I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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