i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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