If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
