After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
