Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
