i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
