She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
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