I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
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