we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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