im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
