Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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