You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
