I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
