i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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