One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
