Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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