you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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