who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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