heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
