ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
