I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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