He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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