Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I love having hate sex.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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