Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
