I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
