well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
