I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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