He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
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I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
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listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
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