Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize