Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
