I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
It's official drugs can't kill me
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
