DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize