but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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