Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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