My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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