wat bout pragnant strippers??
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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