Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
The Olympian is in my bed
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
