i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
