I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
it's like iHOP with fire
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
