dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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