I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
