all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
it's not cheating when I paid for it
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize