I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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