OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
