I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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