chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
