you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
When are your genitals available?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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