First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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