one might say we're banned from that church
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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