last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
