am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
