hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
