i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
