Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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