I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
